Vo sawaal..!!

"Aise mat dekh.."

Weneva u luk at me...I jst have dese words to say..!!

"Der r many things..i nvr said..rather i nvr tried saying..!So thot dat..will write it down..specially for u..

Maybe i will regret later..dat why did i confessed all dis infrnt of u..Why did i posted it(Like i regret abt my last post..:( )

Bt right nw..at dis very moment..I wnt to let u knw..

Today..its nt jst d words..its my emotions..my feelings..which i alwys try to keep locked in..bt today dey r nt in my control..n sumwhre i too dnt want to hold dem.."

I met u..3 yrs ago on "11th august 2009"..

Generally m bad at remembering dates..bt i havent frgttn dis 1..

It ws one of d important day of our life..imprtnt for both of us..n der were many lyk us..!!

Dat ws d day wen we took a step into a new era..d day wen a new journey ws to start..a new phase ws to begin...!

I ws surrounded by variety of emotions..excitement..fear..happiness..I had lots of questions in my mind..

Bt my mouth ws shut..coz of nervousness..I jst kept walking silently..!!

I still hav dat image of u..wid tym it hs becum lil hazy..bt still i remembr..

Sumwhere round d corner..ignoring a whole lot of girls walking..u came only to me(i still wonder why u chose me..!!) n said.."Hey..Aapka naam kya h..Can we be frnz..??"

I ws lil shocked n widout thinking i said "yes"..

N frm dat very day..u became my partner.."Zindagi k us naye safar me..u became my HUMSAFAR"..!!:):)

We wer 2 different people frm different world..bt still we came closer n closer..

Der ws sum kind of connection..a pull..dat kept us linked..

I talkd a lot n u dint spoke much..I luvd to get dressed up nicely n u nvr cared abt ur clothes..I ws sophisticated n u wer simple..

Completely opposite..bt sumthng ws same..our feelings..feelings fr each other..

We both luvd each other..D way u luked at me made me blush to pink..N others(our frnz) also noticed it..!!

U cared for me..n i enjoyed being special..

U were(still is) my HERO..I dnt remembr xctly hw did dis name came to my mind..I jst remember dat u always addressed me as "Oye..meri HERIONE..!!"

N i truly luvd it..

Like evry girl..i luvd being pampered..n believe me u were nvr gud at it..!!Bt still u tried ur best..:P:P

U were straight forward..lykd to pay attention on ur goal..n i ws frisky..!!Bt still u carried all my affectation..

U alwys tried to keep me happy..alwys said things which evry girl wud luv to hear..

Weneva we met..u used to luk me from top to bottom..n gave ur comments..N i too eagerly waited to hear dem..U appreciated me..n weneva needed u were der as a critic..(Do u rembr dat hairstyle..i tried once..n u said dat i shud nt do dis..it doesnt suits me..i nvr tried dat again..)

I hav always been possessive abt my frnz(nt evry1..bt der r sum..:D)..n so ws i for u..U knew dis vry well..n u always kept romancing wid other girls..jst to make me feel jealous..

N u wer always successful..n d feeling of jealosly cud b read on my face..nt jst by u..bt by evry1 around..n u really luvd it..

Bt sumwhere u alwys confide in me..dat u wer only mine..

I still remember ur 1st LOVE LETTER..written wid gr8 efforts..n hidden in my note-book..to forgive u..

It ws a vry small letter..i guess of 3-4 lines..bt it melted me n my anger..N after dat u wrote many love letters(on my insistent requests)..longer ones..bt it nvr had dat same essensce..!!;);)

Our lives ws going smoothly..we were happy together..I still miss dose short rides on ur two-wheelers..U picked me frm d bus-stop in d morning n dropped me back in d evening..U dint even lykd wen i sat behind ny girl..u felt dat it ws jst ur right to drive me..!!

Bt its said dat all days r nt d same..we dint realised hw tym passed..n we were separated aftr a year..

I ws vry upset..felt alone..being wid u ws my habit..n i cudnt change it..

Bt still u promised dat u will b der..der for me..lyk u have been..

N u were der..:):)

U daily came to visit me..though we both were equally busy..hd loads of wrk to do even in lunch..bt i ws ur priority..:)

Bt tym kept running..n with passing tym..I changed..U changed..our priorities changed..We dint hd much tym fr each other..bt sumwhere we alwys stood fr each other..At bad tyms..we both wer der fr each other..N we celebrated sum good tyms also..

Wen we started dis journey..i ws alwys d strong one(not physically ofcrse..:D)..I ws alwys gud in undrstng d situations n circumstances..I ws d one who hd solution to all ur problems..I ws d one to xplain u things..abt lyf..abt ppl..

Sumwhere dis ws my forte(sumwhre still it is..i do undrstnd my frnz n der feelings..mre dan dey undrstnd it demslves..:))..

Earlier u gt depressed easily..irritated easily..n alwys wanted my support..which i nvr denied..

I alwys undrstd u..ur problems bttr dan u..I ws kind of ur support system for u..

Bt tym changes..circumstances changes..n so does people..

I dnt knw wat changd in my lyf..or maybe i knw wat changed..Bt it changed me too..

I dnt eva blame u fr dat..bt sumwhre d space between us ws responsible fr it..Sumwhre..sum1 else gt place in dat empty space..Ofcrse nobody cn ever take ur position..bt sum1 made a new position in dat space..

N later became a reason to change me..!!!

N dat sum1 got all ur rights..a place similar to u..bt nt lyk u..U nvr misused ur rights..ur position in my life..u kept me as ME..u cared fr me..pampered me..kept me alive..Bt sum1..misused dat rights..n broke me..broke me into pieces..

N since den u lost "ME"..

U felt d pain..d despair around me..u tried to bring me together again..Bt sumtyms only tym can heal sum wounds..n i too suffered such an injury..

Slowly..wid tym..i stood up again..i recoverd frm dat pain..bt d wounds were so deep..dat its is still der..(n will remain foreva..)

U wer happy to c me back..u wer happy dat my lyf ws back to normal again..on track..bt slowly u started realising dat i ws nt d same..It ws nt d gal.to whom u walked down 1 day..whom u chose..to make frnds wid..from d whole lot..!!

I dint write dis to freshen ur memory of dat 1st day meeting..also nt to remind u of our beautiful journey..Neither did i wrote to narrate a beautiful (luv..!!)story to dis world..

I jst wrote dis..to tell u..dat d girl u luvd..d girl who ws ur bst frnd died long ago.."Ur HEROINE is dead..she is no mre.."

I remember 1 of our recent meeting..in d parking lot..where we spent around an hour in silence..N u jstkept  lukng at me..as if tryng to read me(I ws vry nervous n afraid)..N while walking back u said.."I m nt able to undrstnd u..I dnt knw..bt sumthng hs changed....!!Ab teri aankhon me vo baat nai h..vo chamak nai h..!!"

N i jst said.."Pta nai.."

I did knw it den also..i did knw it nw also..I knw wat hs changed..

EVERYTHING hs changed..

D strong me hs died..nw i need othrs..(lyk u neede me)..i need support..cant live alone..sumthng alwys keeps me hurting..Rather..i lost control over myslf n my life..dat "1" "sum1" hs gone..bt daily i cum across many such other "sum1"..n dey too have all d rights to hurt me..

Nobody is lyk u..dey dnt keep me as u kept..Dey dnt "HANDLE me WITH CARE"..n so i m shattered into pieces..!!

Daily i gather dos shattered pieces..fix dem..but dey dnt get fixed..dey keep falling again..n again..!!!

Lastly,here is d answer to ur question..

U dnt find d same shine..dat same happiness..in my eyes..coz all i have in dem is pain..pain of gettng hurted again n again..pain of being lied..pain of breakng my trust...

N therefore,i can't make an eye contact wid u..coz if sum day..our eyes meet fr mre dan a second..Dey will say it all..n u will knw it all..

I hav stored evrythng ..all my secrets..my pains..in dem..n d way u luk into dem..make me afraid..dat dey will say d truth..coz I hav learnt to lie frm dis world..frm ppl..frm U..bt "dey" haven't...!!